I've had an interesting thought for a few days now, but I'm not sure if it's going to be as interesting in blog-form as it is in my head. But if it's something that I can keep in my head for a few days, then it's probably worth writing about, so I'll just give it a shot:)

Routine. Actually, the contrast between routine and "non-routine". It started with realizing my life is getting into a routine again, since I'm getting more used to my internship and everything that has been going on lately. It feels all safe and normal again. Which made me think of what it sometimes feels like when the routine is broken: after a breakup, after changing jobs, after finishing a study or other big things. On a holiday. When big things change.

It makes me feel so much alive! An endless world of possibilities! Even though it's all deadscary, you can do whatever you want, what you REALLY want! It forces you to think of what it is that you really want, because there are simply too many things you can choose from. All the dreams you've safely put aside because you settled for safety and stability are pulled out by a sudden change. Most of the times, a change you wouldn't have dared to make yourself if circumstances wouldn't have forced you to. But still, isn't it the best feeling in the world?

And no, I'm not suggesting that we all quit our jobs now and break up our relations. But I do suggest that we don't forget about this feeling. At least I hope I never will.

[scoop] It's also like I never really want to grow up. Of course that depends on what you consider grown-up. For me it is not giving in to society's wishes and always staying close to your true self. Do things because you like them, and not because people do or don't approve of them. You can never please them all anyway. [/scoop]

So, back to disruption. Because that's what it is. If having your life suddenly shaken up by events makes you (or at least me) feel alive, doesn't getting back into the routine mean you die a little? That sounds so horrible! I know it's not realistic to think that I'll keep making big changes all my life, but it's so tempting. However, routine does have its upside too. I do really well on a regular sleep-wake schedule. I do cool work. Soon I will finally have a steady income. And it's just natural to settle down eventually. But the thought of hiding away dreams and dying a little just makes me feel uncomfortable.

There must be a way to make this go hand in hand, right? Wake up every day, going to work, but still feeling like you're on top of the world. Making big plans, having dreams. Knowing you can still do the things you've always dreamt of doing, and actually pursuing those dreams.

[scoop] Which reminds me of one of my first blog posts, kind of similar to this one >  *click* [/scoop]

[scoop] Oh and also, of this mail my dad sent me when I was in Israël, pursuing one of these dreams. I wanted to go, saved up, and just went. Really surprising how fast I got the money, considering I had a really crappy job back then. That just proves that anything can be done, as long as you really want to. Anyway the mail. It has as subject, "Hey el, congratulations...", which continued in the message with "...on your ability to pursue and realize your dreams! Oneprouddad". It still makes me smile when I see it. Probably because I never want to lose that ability. I want to go again!! [/scoop]

And why not? Getting a job only makes those dreams come closer. Finally an income to pay all that travel from! I think it's just the fear of change that keeps us. We'll make up all kinds of reasons to not go, when there should be only one good reason to go. Because I want to, and it makes me happy. In the end, isn't that all that matters? And in case I'll ever forget that, I'll have this blog to remind me of it :)